Book Review: The New Rules of Marriage by Terry Real

Sitting area with bookshelves and tea on a coffee table, serene and calming setting | Kathleen Killen Psychotherapy and Coaching

In The New Rules of Marriage, Terry Real offers a groundbreaking guide for couples seeking to deepen their connection and navigate the complexities of modern relationships. As a practitioner of Relational Life Therapy (RLT), I find Real's insights particularly valuable and aligned with my therapeutic approach.

Key Insights:

  1. Mutual Empowerment: Real emphasizes the importance of both partners feeling empowered, fostering a relationship dynamic based on mutual support and respect. This empowerment involves recognizing each other's strengths and creating a balance where both voices are heard and valued.

  2. Emotional Honesty: One of the cornerstones of Real's philosophy is the necessity for open and honest communication. He encourages couples to be transparent about their needs and feelings, which helps in building trust and understanding. This approach is crucial for resolving conflicts and preventing misunderstandings.

  3. Equality in Partnership: Real advocates for an equal partnership where responsibilities and decision-making are shared. This balance prevents the buildup of resentment and ensures that both partners feel equally invested in the relationship's success.

Practical Strategies:

Real provides numerous practical strategies and exercises that couples can implement to improve their relationship. These include techniques for active listening, conflict resolution, and building emotional intimacy. The real-world examples and case studies make these strategies relatable and actionable.

Relational Life Therapy Connection:

As someone who practices Relational Life Therapy, I appreciate how Real's book dovetails with its principles. Both approaches focus on creating healthier relationship dynamics through empowerment, honesty, and equality. RLT also emphasizes the importance of each partner taking responsibility for their own actions and behaviours, which aligns with Real's teachings on personal accountability.

Impact and Conclusion:

The transformative impact of Real's book is evident in the feedback from my clients who have applied his principles. They report feeling more connected, understood, and valued in their relationships. The strategies outlined in The New Rules of Marriage provide a solid foundation for building and maintaining a loving partnership.

Overall, The New Rules of Marriage is an invaluable resource for couples seeking to enhance their relationship with proven, actionable advice. Terry Real's emphasis on mutual empowerment, emotional honesty, and equality offers a roadmap for lasting love and connection. Whether you're just starting your relationship journey or looking to deepen your existing bond, this book is a must-read.


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Mental Health and Your Home: My Experience with BLLIS

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Managing Emotions and Reactivity in Relationships